After Anal Sex, We Enjoy Shortcake..

Fuck you, Disney

2009-06-20T18:01:12Z

Why you gotta be killing all the animals? Bambi's mom, Simba's dad, Nemo's mom, the Jesus lion... should have taken Snow White out. She was a twat.

The conundrum of a day off, or why Whole Foods is EVIL.

2009-06-16T12:30:50Z

Today is Tuesday, and this is typically a day off for me, as I lack childcare. One of my employs actually doesn't care if I have the kidlet in tow, however, as I am functioning as their wound nurse, this doesn't really work. Doing paperwork or computer work with a baby is just fine, but digging around in wounds with her just.... yeah.

My bank account has $63 in it, until Thursday, when one of my paychecks will be deposited. I need diapers and gas. The need for diapers is causing my dilemma. My current favorite brand of diapers is the Whole Foods 365 Everyday Value. In order to procure these diapers, I need to go to Whole Foods, which we refer to as "Whole Paycheck," due to the OMFG super high prices on most things.

I have a problem with Whole Foods. When I get there, I suddenly NEED everything I see. Raw milk Manchego? In the cart... and can't have that without quince paste! Mini key lime cheesecake? Only five bucks - I'll get one for today, one for tomorrow! Nitrate free hot dogs? Oh HELL yes. Organic vegan herbal cruelty-free tree bark derived liquid eyeliner? Just doing my part for the environment!

Maybe it's all the beautiful people that frequent this particular Whole Foods. Or the awesome smells that permeate the entire space. I really don't know what it is, but I can't make it out the door without dropping a minimum of $100. And this typically yields two bags of stuff.

So whatever shall I do? I'm leaning towards hitting CVS for a bag of super-cheap leaky chemical laden diapers for a few days, and maybe waiting until the weekend to hit Whole Foods. Or maybe I'll just suck it up and order the slightly inferior, more expensive Seventh Generation diapers.

I knew I should have done cloth diapers!

(Oh, and the REAL reason Whole Foods is evil? They have a beer and chocolate aisle. When you're a recovering alcoholic with a sweet tooth, this is just mean!)

I have not been consumed by consumption.

2009-06-14T16:16:03Z

My tuberculosis scare was actually a bad allergic reaction to the cheap brand of purified protein derivative (PPD). AWESOME.

The kid got really sick last week, and we had a fun trip to the ER at the local children's hospital. Scary shit, really. Turned out to be a virus, and now she's just left with a runny nose. I got this virus, too, and although I sound like shit, I feel quite alright.

Tomorrow is my second wedding anniversary. Hubby and I were initially going to spend next weekend on Cape Cod, but the kidlet is not yet okay with being left with gramma overnight. The one time we tried, gramma returned her around midnight. That idea scrapped, we were going to go to a fancy dinner at a restaurant I worked at 14 years ago, called the Bee and Thistle Inn. It always had awesome food, and has been voted Connecticut's most romantic restaurant about a zillion times. But, we're broke. Having a sick kid and missing a week of work with no sick pay tends to do that! So now, we're going to see "Up" and have a moderately priced dinner at a steak or rib place.

Now, back before I had a kid I was a big "foodie." Spending $200 on dinner for two was not a big deal. (Plus, I don't drink, and the hubby maybe has two-three drinks with dinner!) These days? $200 is a LOT of money!! That's my student loan, or the gas and electric bills... or groceries for like, two weeks. And my hair is also suffering. I used to go every 6-8 weeks, and spend around $180 for my color, cut and foil. I have gone to the salon exactly ONCE since my kid was born. My roots are daunting. And my toes are also quite ugly. I treated myself to a $25 pedicure a month ago, and it was pure bliss. I haven't been back since due to lack of funds.

I no longer spend money frivilously. I miss it, dammit!! I want a new bag, a new pair of earring, some new shoes, a salon appointment and a pedicure. And then some oysters. Six each of Wellfleets, Blue Points, and Malpeques will do nicely.

Must. stop. rambling. Time to get the kid to gramma's so I can do some work.

Fucking Consumption

2009-06-03T13:51:00Z

I rarely post in this thing, since I primarily use it for the communities I lurk in. But I'm feeling the need to vent today.

I recently quit my full time job and accepted three per diem jobs. With these new jobs, I had to have a few PPDs. This is a test to determine tuberculosis exposure. The first one, fine. The second one was a bit red, a bit funky, but nothing much. I chalked it up to a poor administration. Yesterday, I got my third one. And within hours, it was bright red, swollen, itchy and had formed a blister.

This means I might have tuberculosis. Inactive at the moment, but still: tuberculosis. Fuck.

While it's no longer a death sentence, it's still scary. I have no idea where it could have come from. I haven't cared for someone with tuberculosis in years. If it's found in my lungs or blood, I'll be on medication for about a year. And if the medication causes icky side effects, too bad. If I don't take it, I won't be allowed to work. Luckily I can still breast feed on the medication.

A long while ago, my great grandfather was diagnosed with tuberculosis. Active tuberculosis. Since there was no cure, and it was considered a horrible death, he took his own life via carbon monoxide poisoning. I'm grateful I don't have to do this!

brother

2009-04-13T22:36:29Z

psychonurse26 @ 2008-12-31T13:53:00

2008-12-31T19:07:55Z

2008 was an excellent year, and I don't want it to end!

- January: Hubby and I went on a belated and altered honeymoon. (We got married in June, 2007, but he had broken himself in May of 2007, and so we didn't go on a honeymoon. We were going to go to Dominica, but we went to Florida instead, since hubby can't really hike any more). While in Florida, we went to a big cat sanctuary, which was one of the best experiences ever.

- February: Celebrated one year of sobriety on February 4th. Closed on our house on February 29th. One of my nursing home residents also died on this day. And yes, this was a very good thing. His family had been keeping him alive, when he kept asking to die. He finally won.

- March: Moved into our house, and exactly one week after closing, (TMI warning!) created Morgan. In the end of March, found out that the little spawn existed. Also went to see Peelander-Z.

- June: Went to the Cape to celebrate our one-year anniversary. Had shit for weather, but much awesome seafood!

- August: Spent a week in Maine with the family. Got to spend a lot of time with my 82-year-old grandfather, which was awesome, because he is 82 and I don't see him all that often! Also, saw Coldplay for the first time.

- September: Turned 30. Finally got out of my shitty, shitty 20's.

- October: Saw Mraz for the bazillionth time. I think that was it for October.

- November: Thanksgiving is always a great day! And, the day after, the 28th, I had my Morganectomy... er.. c-section to have my beautiful little girl.

- December: Brought my sweet baby girl home from the hospital. Had a lovely x-mass with the fam.

I'm sure there were other things. And of course, there were bad things. But the good seriously outweighs the bad this year!

Just one little picture....

2008-12-05T19:43:30Z

Morgan's Birth Story

2008-12-05T19:42:20Z

Morgan is a week old today, and I think I'm finally up to this!

I had been saying for weeks and weeks that I would have her the day after Thanksgiving. I figured I'd stuff myself on Thanksgiving, feel like crap, and go into labor between 11pm and 1am that night. Contractions actually started at 2:30am, so I was off by about 90 minutes!

I waited about an hour before waking up hubby, because I figured I'd just roll over and everything would stop. It didn't. I woke hubby up at 3:30 am to tell him what was going on, and told him to try and get some rest while I called the doctor. Meanwhile, the contractions were continuing to intensify and get closer. Hubby decided against going back to sleep.

I got my doctor on the phone, who told me to head over to the hospital. I called my mom and let her know, and she started asking me a million questions. Unfortunately, by this time I was nearly unable to speak.

The hospital is only five minutes away, but the car ride seemed like an eternity. We went in through the ED, who knew we were coming. The security guard offered a wheelchair, which I declined because walking is supposed to be good for labor! While I'm sure it is, I should have grabbed that chair! It was hell getting up to L&D. Once the L&D staff took one look at me, the decision was made that I was going to be admitted, and not just thrown into the observation room.

My doc arrived shortly thereafter. I was 100% effaced, and 6cm dilated. She asked if I thought I might want an epidural. Now, I had been absolutely terrified of the epidural, but I figured I'd take the liter of IV fluids in case I changed my mind about the epidural. They got that running, gave me a bit of Stadol, drew labs, and got my antibiotics running for the group B strep.

From this point, I have no concept of time, or really what order things were happening in. I know the pain got worse, and I wasn't able to bear it. I asked for more Stadol, but I think I had maxed out the allowed dosage. So I decided to go for the epidural. At that point, I no longer cared about getting a needle stuck in my back, I just wanted the pain to stop.

And the epidural was not bad at all. It felt very strange, but compared to the pain I was in, it was nothing. It served several purposes: it allowed me to rest and stop screaming for a bit; and it also slowed down labor. Slowing labor was something we actually wanted to do, because of the antibiotics for the group B strep. It was recommended that the antibiotics have four hours to work before giving birth. It also allowed time for the lab results to come back. I was told about two hours after receiving the epidural that I had severe preeclampsia. At no point during my pregnancy had I had hight blood pressure. I had no risk factors, and no signs or symptoms. But my labs were clear. The magnesium sulfate was then hung, and this pretty much started a nightmare that lasted a day and a half.

At about 9:30am, I was told it was time to start pushing. I had been fully effaced and dilated for hours at this time, and I was completely looped on the magnesium sulfate. My contractions at this time were about five minutes apart, and while I could detect them, they didn't seem to be very effective.

I pushed through every contraction for the next three and a half hours. Nothing. She was +1 station, and wouldn't budge from there. I tried all sorts of different positions and techniques to get her to move, but she wouldn't. The OB was trying to see if she could get her down far enough to guide her out, of grab her with forceps, but she simply wouldn't move. At some point during all this, the OB finished breaking my water, as it hadn't completely happened. Of course there was some meconium.

After three and a half hours of pushing, my OB said it was time for a c-section, due to arrest of descent. I pretty much lost it. I just didn't want a section. But I was so tired, and really had no energy left. I'm sure this was a combination of fatigue and the magnesium sulfate.

The anesthesiologist was a bright spot in all of this. I told him that I did not want my arms tied down, and that I did not want him to give me any benzodiazapines. No problem with any of this. Both he and the OB allowed not just my husband, but my mom to come into the OR with me, which is very atypical. Usually it's just one person, and that is it.

Prep for the OR happened really quickly, and soon enough they were making the first incision. The anesthesiologist was right at my head, narrating exactly what was happening. It was really helpful to me to have this going on.

Soon enough, she was out. I had asked for the drape to be lowered, but they held her up over the drape so I could see her, and she dripped all over me! Of course she took her first breath before they could suction out the meconium! My mom and husband both came to tell me just how beautiful she was, and hubby got to cut the cord. I had really wanted to see this, but at least there were pictures.

Morgan Elena arrived on November 28, 2008, at 1:45pm via c-section. She was 7lbs, 13 ounces and 20.5 inches long. And yes, absolutely beautiful.

Do not yell at a pregnant woman... rant/babble/whine

2008-11-25T16:43:09Z

I drive a piece of shit car. It's a 2000 Toyota Corolla. I don't take care of it, either. I get the oil changed... sometimes. In the past four months, I've only driven the thing 300 miles. Work is 5 minutes away, the grocery store is 2 minutes away, and if hubby and I are going anywhere far, we take his car.

Last night when I got home, I realized I had a flat tire. Sucks, but no big deal. This morning, I send hubby out to put the donut on so I can take care of this post-haste, as I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant, and don't feel very secure being without transportation. (Of course, the hospital is 5 minutes away, my mom works 5 minutes away, lives 10 minutes away.. and there are a multitude of other people as close or closer that would certainly help me out...)

Anyway. Hubby comes back in about 15 minutes away with a couple completely rusted nuts and a broken bolt. He's pissed. He is always telling me that I need to take better care of my car, which I typically counter with, "It's a piece of shit, and nearly ten years old. When it dies, I'll get another one." But now, it's about the fetus. And how his daughter is NOT going to be riding in that thing. Since I am not a fighter, and have no control over my emotions, I started sobbing. Awesome. And then hubby felt awful, even though making me cry is super easy.

I found a garage that can take care of everything for me, and they are super close by, so the tow should only be about $80. Just now, someone from there stopped by to see if they could get the tire off and help me avoid the tow. This poor guy looked absolutely terrified: HOW THIS HUGELY PREGNANT WOMAN BREAK A LUGNUT?!?!

The tow truck should be here soon.. I wonder if this guy will be terrified too? This is making this sucky experience MUCH better!

And Thanksgiving is in two days. This is my most favorite holiday, because it's about family and food. And I love my family and food. I'm planning on stuffing myself until I can't even move. Then, by about midnight I'll go into labor, and Morgan will pop out on Friday. That will be a perfect end to my favorite holiday.

36 weeks, 4 days.

2008-11-18T20:05:07Z

And not so good...

Had an OB appointment today. At 36w4d, Morgan is weighing in at a whopping 7lbs, 15oz, give or take a pound. This puts her above the 90th percentile. And if she grows another half-pound up to 40 weeks, she could potentially be 11bs. This puts her at the upper limits of what could be safe to deliver vaginally, as she could end up with shoulder dystocia. I really, really don't want a c-section. I just can't imagine recovering from major surgery while dealing with a newborn! Aaaaaaaand my OB won't induce until 39 weeks. I'm also group B strep positive, which I didn't think was a huge deal, but it's more of a big deal than I initially thought!

Sigh. I'm resisting doing all of those things that can bring on labor, even though I really want to go into labor! At least my cervix is looking like it's just about ready. More effaced than it's been, and about 2cms dilated. I could stay there, but it looks more likely that I'll go into labor a little early.

I s'pose this is what I get for marrying a large man!

32 weeks, 1 day

2008-10-18T21:48:17Z

And that is my belly. It's still cute! The tat needs some serious updating, which I will be doing after I'm done having babies. It's 11 years old, so it needs something anyway!

Grrrr.....

2008-09-30T18:58:06Z

I'm in a somewhat foul mood today. Today is the last day of my mini-vaca, and I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I've been off since Thursday, and Thursday eve, as I'm on my way out with my mom, one of my nurses calls me flipping out about the drama one of the CNA's has caused. Suffice to say, this CNA is making me look BAD. Yeah, I fucked up. I'll admit to that. But she's trying to make me look like evil incarnate. Which I'm not. I'm a good boss, a good nurse, and I made an error in judgment. Tomorrow, I get to find out exactly what she said about me, and exactly how much trouble I'll be in with my bosses. Fuck. I've never actually been in trouble at any job I've ever worked. At least this particular CNA is a known liar.

After five very busy days off, today was going to be my relaxing day. I had a pregnancy massage scheduled for 11, and after a nice leisurely morning, I headed out to my car. And the fucker didn't start. I don't think it was too happy running all of a minute in the past six days. So no pregnancy massage. And since the salon is literally 2 minutes away from me, by the time I resigned myself to that fact that I wasn't going anywhere, I called them to cancel after my appointment would have started. Awesome.

I'm spending my day cleaning and catching up on laundry. Doing dishes, I just dropped and shattered a favorite pint glass. It went everywhere, and I think I may have some of it lodged between my toes.

I'm sweaty, itchy, and achy. My spawn is larger than she should be (measured 3lbs,7ozs on Thursday, a day short of 29 weeks). But, at least I know I'm having a girl. And hubby is good at picking out baby girl clothes that are super cute, but not all frilly and cotton candy vomit-y.

psychonurse26 @ 2008-09-12T20:19:00

2008-09-13T00:27:40Z

So here I am at 27 weeks. The gateway to the third trimester. When everything is really supposed to start hurting. And this is just great, because everything already DOES fucking hurt.

But at least I don't have diabeetus. I went for my one hour glucose on Monday, and failed. Went for the three hour on Wednesday, and passed. I really wasn't expecting to pass, and figured I'd be even more miserable for the next three months. I'm totally going to Coldstone this weekend. Need some Cake Batter ice cream with berries.. mmmmmmm...

I'm now fixated on two names: Helena Holley, and Jareth James. Helena Holley, because both my husband and I had grandmother named Helen, and my husbands awesome great aunt's last name is Holley. Plus I'm having a Christmas baby. Or something. And Holly is Christmas-y. (Says the atheist...) And Jareth? Well, it just happens to be the name of one of the most awesome characters in one of the best movies ever. Played by someone even more awesome. And James is my husbands name.

Speaking of my husband, he is typically a pain in my ass. Whenever I run a name by him, I get either a "meh" or a "no." But he's cute, and puts up with me. So I guess I'll keep him.

23 weeks down, 17 to go...

2008-08-16T18:01:07Z

Apparently, the baby can now recognize voices and noises. This helps it to not be scared by loud noises like dog barks, vaccuum cleaners, etc., when it pops out.

Since I don't have a dog, and avoid vacuuming at all costs, I was trying to figure out what noises this kid would be used to. I've come up with a few:

- Mommy loudly saying "FUCK" about ten times a day, for various reasons.
- Chunka, my dependent cat's extremely loud annoying meow, and super feline purr.
- Vera, one of my resident's "singing." She's lost the ability for form words, and now chirps
like a bird. But she's always laughing and smiling, so, hey.. must not be so bad!

I've been thinking about hooking up headphones to my stomach to play music. But I can't get over my desire to pipe in some Peelander-Z. Probably not a very good idea... Medium Raaarrrrreeeeee!!

Since the kid can hear things now, I put my stomach in my husbands face last night, and said, "talk." What did he do? Grab my boobs, and say, "I better talk into the microphones!"

Yeah, I love that man.

psychonurse26 @ 2008-08-03T10:00:00

2008-08-03T14:06:45Z

As soon as I get my ass off this couch, I'm going to Maine. I have a headache, and my ears are ringing. This is most likely directly related to the activities of last night, which involved going to a packed coliseum to see Coldplay.

Normally, I do not go to large venue shows, especially those that are indoors. I find them annoying, due to the large numbers of people, the epic bathroom lines, and the cattle-like venue exit. However, Coldplay somewhat restored my faith in the large venue experience. They made it feel like a small show, somehow. You could really tell that the guys loved what they were doing, and that it wasn't just a job. There was passion behind the music, and Chris Martin is the poster child for geeks - with his quirky sense of humor and spasmodic dancing.

I even think hubby enjoyed himself.. and he dislikes large venue shows more that I do. Plus, he had worked 30+ hours in the two days preceding the show, and wasn't in the best shape. At least he realizes it is completely his fault that I shelled out the bucks for the tickets - before I met him, I couldn't stand Coldplay. I don't remember why, but when I actually listened to them, I realized how wrong I had been.

Okay. Time to drag my ass off the couch... I want to be on my way in two hours, and it's at least a 7 hour drive. Today is going to be along day, but there are a few days of relaxation awaiting. I desperately need this!

Tha big U/S

2008-08-01T00:01:04Z

Yesterday, I went for the BIG ultrasound. The one where they tell you if your spawn has a penis or not. Well.

It's.....

A.....

.....

HUMAN!!!!!

The little bugger wouldn't give up the goods. So I still have no idea if it's a he or she!

What I do know, it that it's healthy and active. When I saw the little toes and fingers, I just lost it. Started sobbing. Hubby didn't say much, he just smiled and held my hand. Looked like he was just in awe of the whole thing!

My placenta is still somewhat low-lying, and I have to go back for another ultrasound in 8 weeks. It's the day before my 30th birthday, so maybe the bugger will give me a present!

For nearly 30 years, I've been missing out...

2008-07-22T01:00:04Z

Today, I discovered I was truly missing out on one of life's great joys. The Asian-run nail salon.

I've only had a few pedicures in my life, but they have all taken place at the swanky salon/day spa I go to for my hair. While these have been nice enough experiences, they had an air of pretension, and were quite pricey. While they were relaxing, I felt I had to keep conversation going with the pedicurist. Today I decided to check out the Asian-run nail salon a few minutes from my house.

What a model of efficiency! It was like a pedicure assembly line. I walked in to a gigantic display of nail colors, and actually found a purple I liked rather quickly. Next thing I know, I'm being escorted to my place in the pedi-chair line.

The water was the perfect temperature. The massage function on the chair was powerful, and I was able to get some work on the one spot of my back that perpetually bothers me, more so now with the pregnancy. The experience, from the start was amazing. The woman said a quick hello, how are you, and then got to work.

To this woman, I did not exist above the knees. She put true muscle into the pumice-ing and exfoliation. And then, there was a divine hot stone massage. I never quite understood the appeal of the hot stone. But now, I want a full body one! When she was done with the painting, I was escorted to the drying bar, and the singular male came over and began rubbing my neck and shoulders. He then continued, using hot towels wrapped in saran wrap.

I walked out of the salon with $25 more dollars in my pocket than I would have at the swanky salon. And I was more relaxed than I have ever been from a pedicure. Plus, my feet are softer, and my nail color prettier than any other pedicure I've gotten!

I shall be frequenting this nail spa on a very, very regular basis. It's a bit of pampering that I actually feel like I can afford!

Anal Ease: Good for the knees...

2008-07-16T00:43:26Z

Today was my day off, and so I decided to go to the beach. Since I live in the lovely state of Connecticut, I could go to a lake, or the ocean. Which is really Long Island Sound. The Sound it was.

I plopped my self down on a blankie, with my preggers belly hanging out of my non-maternity tankini. I later told my mother this, who decided to be mortified on my behalf. Apparently, 30 years ago, this just WASN'T DONE!! But honestly, I think the only reason I had the balls to go to the beach alone is because I'm actually happy with my body for the first time in oh, 10 years. It doesn't matter that I don't look all that great, I'm pregnant, dammit!!

People watching was at its finest. There were hot men, who knew they were hot. Old ladies with sun hats bigger than their heads. Children throwing jellyfish, then bitching about how they got stung (um, dumbfuck? Maybe if you didn't THROW animals, they wouldn't hurt you?!?). An 80-year-old man was so transfixed by my boobs, I was thinking he wouldn't be needing Viagra later on...

Because I am so pale, I continually sprayed sunscreen all over. But of course, I missed somewhere. I completely missed my right knee. No where else, just my right knee. Lucky for me, I do home parties for a company call Slumber Parties. I sell sex toys, and many other sexual enhancers. One of these is a product called Anal Ease. Anal Ease, as its name implies, is to make anal sex easier by numbing up the rear entry. Anal Ease has lidocaine and aloe in it. Both of these are quite nice on a sunburn, and as such, I just covered my knee in Anal Ease. And it is quite nice.

Hubby didn't bat an eye.

Gir and the Mutant Fish...

2008-06-22T20:14:36Z

I got out of the shower this morning and decided it would be a good idea to wear my Invader Zim t-shirt with the giant Gir on the front. Now, I don't generally wear Nickelodeon sponsored merchandise in public. This is because I am: nearly 30 years old and pregnant. But I decided to wear it anyway. And there were some odd looks. But what the hell, I figured.

Hubby and I went to a fish pond store, because when we bought our house we inherited a fish pond. It's awesome except it was clearly created by people who had no clue what they were doing. There is a blue tarp for a base. The liner has a leak somewhere. The filter they had would have been good for a pond maybe 1/4 of the size, and... the pond would be great for maybe 4-10 small to moderate size Koi. There are about 30 fish in there. So at this pond store, I learned just how big Koi can get.

I remember an episode of Family Guy where Lois is running from the cops. The whole family is in the sewer and Chris encounters an old goldfish that he had flushed. Turns out the goldfish wasn't dead, and was about the size of Chris. That is what this Koi reminded me of. Some post apocalyptic nuclear fueled mutant goldfish. He was at least two feet long, and it was obvious that he was the one in charge. I swear I could have sat there all day, but alas, someone came along to help us.

On the way home hubby and I stopped at Stop and Shop, because I have been dying for Helluva Good French Onion Dip and Wavy Lays. While perusing the meat selection, and older gentleman approached me to discuss, of all things, my shirt. Turns out this guys son was an animator on Invader Zim, as well as a few other Nickelodeon shows. We lamented the short life of Invader Zim, as well as its greatness in the world of cartoons.

Time for some of that dip, me thinks.

The job search continues...

2008-06-18T21:36:52Z

I don't think my boss actually believes that I'm looking for a new job. But after I calmed down, I realized that my freak out had been justified. I have no other options.

I was offered a job yesterday, that sounds like my dream job. Home care nursing, psychiatric case manager. Now, I've been wanting to get into home care for a while. And, since I left psych I've missed it. The position pays a bit less than what I make now, but it's a staff position and not managerial. Plus, I'm pretty much entry level home care.

So I called the home care company today to ask a few more questions. I also let them know about my pregnancy. Turns out they are actually considering offering me a managerial position.. something like director of clinical services in the psych department. Whatever it is, it sounds fancy! Not sure if I want the fancy job. But it would be nice to have two job offers from the same company! Pretty much just waiting to see what they come up with.

Three other places I have applied with have also called me. One job is in a substance abuse treatment facility. It's about five minutes away from home. However, my mom was in this place about ten years ago, and she said it was awful. Then again, she has hated all of the treatment facilities she's been in, and so have I! Another job is teaching LPNs. Not sure about that one. And the third is a crisis service job.

I'm thinking I'll take one of the home care ones, depending on what they offer me. I'm sad to be leaving the nursing home, but the inflexibility is not going to work out. I can't afford $900+ for daycare, versus the $360 I'm planning on paying!!

But I don't WANT to find a new job!!

2008-06-11T23:38:52Z

But I have to find a new job.

When I started my current job, it was clear that when I had a baby, I'd be working 32 hours. M-T-Th-F. Off Wednesday. Well now, I can't have Wednesday off. It's "not best for the building." And "not fair to coworker."

Fuck this shit. I'm not going to change my long-standing childcare arrangements. And even if I wanted to, there are no other options. The day care lady isn't open on Wednesday or Friday. My mom can't alter her schedule to have different days off. And I'm not paying through the ass to send my kid to some faceless daycare. We're talking $600 more a MONTH to use a facility daycare. No fucking thank you.

I'm pissed. I mostly liked this job. Not without it's issues, but overall not a bad place to work. But the voice mail I got this morning changes all that. I spent my one and only Wednesday off fixing up my resume, and sending it out.

I know my boss is expecting me to make alternate arrangements for childcare. But I HAVE no alternatives. This is it. So tomorrow, when I return to work, I'm going to let her know I'm seeking a new job. She's going to be making some enemies, I'm sure. My staff likes me. I'm a pretty fair boss, and I don't have a stick up my ass like most bosses.

Sigh. Fuck it.

Is testosterone a pregnancy hormone?

2008-04-09T23:44:34Z

I feel like I have some sort of chronic disease... people are constantly asking me, "how are you feeling?!?"

I'm exhausted, I'm still somewhat itchy... today I got nauseous because of something a resident was doing, I binged on fast food and had to fight to keep it down, I'm cranky, I'm mean... but I'm actually standing up for myself, and being a more effective boss.

I put my secretary on a 30 day probationary period today, with the help of the facility Administrator. She's impossible to work with, has a terrible attitude when you ask her to do anything, and really has the passive aggressive thing down pat. I've wanted to do this for quite a while, along with the Director of Nursing (DNS). But we kept wimping out, because we just feel BAD for this woman. Her life sucks, and she always has something going on. Two days ago she found out her 20-year-old daughter is 7.5 months pregnant, and is dropping out of college. She was pretty traumatized.

But I gotta thank the pregnancy hormones. I didn't wimp out, and decided against waiting any longer. If I had waited, then something else would have gone wrong...

I also stood up to the MDS Coordinator. She's a bitch, she knows it, and I've told her before. But I always tried to stay on her good side. Well, last week she told me that the DNS wanted me to take over part of her job when she was on vacation. I hadn't heard a word of this from the DNS, and honestly just didn't want to do any more of her work (I voluntarily do a little more because I know she's stressed, and it doesn't take me very long... and I kind of enjoy it!). I cut my hours down temporarily, because of the fatigue, and really didn't want to learn anything else. And today, I told her that I would not be doing it. She was very much NOT happy. I immediately went to the DNS, and told her that although I knew she wanted me to do this, I just couldn't take on any more. She got a very confused look on her face, and told me that this wasn't her idea at all, and she was glad I was putting some limits on what I felt comfortable doing.

So yeah... pregnancy hormones seem to have helped me grow some balls. Fucking sweet.

psychonurse26 @ 2008-04-07T16:07:00

2008-04-07T20:16:05Z

Yep. I'm pregnant. And while I'm happy about it, it just doesn't seem real! I'm also SUPERFUCKINGITCHY!!!11!!!!!! And that is making me somewhat miserable. I'm covered in Aveeno lotion, and used their baby itchy wash stuff, and I'm somewhat better. Tolerable, at least. Plus, my OB/GYN said I can take Benadryl. I think I shall do that when I get home.. I have to go see my regular doc tonight for a med check. The only thing I'm going to continue taking is my Effexor. With my history of depression/anxiety/addiction, the benefits of taking it surely outweigh the risks for me.

So December 12th. I'll be having a Sagittarius. No idea what they are like. But two Libras having a Sagittarius might be interesting! Although, I'm not sure how much faith I put into astrology. A little, I think. I am the perfect Libra, and well... so is my husband!

If this child turns out to be a "popular" kid, something like the captain of the football team, or head cheerleader.. or is really in any way athletic, hubby and I just won't know what to do. We are both dorks/geeks/nerds.

We shall see... it's going to be quite a long time!!

Could have some TMI...

2008-03-31T21:19:32Z

So I might be pregnant...

I'm due for my period Wednesday, I think... And this morning, I had some bright pink spotting. Usually I'll have brown-ish discharge a few days before my period starts, but never has it been bright pink. I'm wondering if it's implantation spotting. Hubby and I are sort of trying to get preggers, not with the charting, and temperature taking, but having sexy times during suspected ovulation.

I was pregnant once before, and the result of that pregnancy can be found within the latest round of stores on www.imnotsorry.com .
I wish I could remember what I was feeling like in the days before my period back then. Unfortunately, I was drunk just about every day, so my memory isn't all that great.

Fingers crossed, however. I can't wait to have a child to completely fuck up! You can buy onesies that say "BRAAAAAIIIIINNNSSSSSSS!!!" on them. That sounds quite awesome!

psychonurse26 @ 2008-03-27T16:56:00

2008-03-27T21:07:24Z

Since I started working in the wonderful world of long term care, I've had about ten residents on my floor die. But yesterday, my all time favorite resident died. I shall call him D.

I first met D. while I was working at the psychiatric hospital. I found him to be a spunky old guy, and one of the better behaved psych patients. He had come to the hospital after an incident with another resident. She was hovering around him in the dining room, annoying him, so he picked her up and carried her out of the dining room.

Upon beginning my job at the nursing home, I learned that D. had had several other incidents with other residents. There was a pattern: if another resident got into his personal space, he would yell at them or hit them. D. was mostly confined to his room. This just wasn't a very good thing for him, and overall violated his rights. I knew that this had to change.

We began taking D. out of his room, and bringing him behind the nurses station several times a day. He would tool around with his walker or wheelchair, people watch, and interact with the staff. He was happy. Since he was at risk to choke on his food, he had to be supervised while he ate, and three or four days a week, I was the one with him. Sometimes, he didn't feel like feeding himself, and so I would feed him.

After a while, D. started greeting me with, "Hey Baby," or "There's my Baby!" The CNA's would bring him up to the nurses station and say, "there's your sweetheart!" D. and I bonded. He may have had dementia, but somehow he knew I was someone special to him. I'd generally greet him with a hug and a kiss, and more often than not, he would try to grab my chest, or pretend to try to grab my chest. Overall, D. loved boobs. He may not have known much else, but he knew he loved boobs. He would refer to them as "tanks" or "teddy bears." He would comment on how they looked on a particular day, and if my top accentuated them, forget it! I didn't have eyes!

A few weeks ago, D. ended up in the hospital with aspiration pneumonia. He wasn't expected to make it, and we were told that he wouldn't be returning to the nursing home. But about a week later, I came in to work, and my secretary practically tackled me and yelled, "D's back!!" I was ecstatic.

D. came back to us on Hospice care, and really, that meant to just keep him comfortable. To me, he was the same D., just thinner. We resumed our lunches together. I would give up my own lunch time so that I could feed him his! Overall, he was doing okay. He wasn't eating very well, and some days, I was the only one who could get him to eat or drink at all. D. started sleeping more, and his spunk started to fade.

Yesterday morning, I walked in the building and instantly knew that he was gone. I'm not sure how I knew, but I did. When I got to the elevator lobby, my housekeeper asked me if I had heard the sad news. And I said, "D. died." Not a question, but a statement of fact.

I learned from the night nurse that he passed away gently, while she held his hand. He just stopped breathing. He wasn't in any pain. It was a comfort to me that he did not die alone.

As the Unit Manager, it's my responsibility to assist the mortician with the paperwork, and if needed, transfer of the body. I did what I needed to do with the paperwork, but there was no way I could see his body. Later on in the day his wife and one of his daughters came in to pick up some of his belongings. I helped them load the two small boxes into the car, and it struck me that he was really, truly gone. All of his worldly possessions, packed away into two small boxes, in the back of a beat up old station wagon...

Tomorrow is D.'s wake. And I will be there.